I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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