her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize