Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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