He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
