A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
