Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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