Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do herpes really smell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
