I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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