you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
