return my video game
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
