Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
