i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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