Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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