words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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