Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I checked into jail on foursquare
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
