Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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