She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
