He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
