i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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