marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
