so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
