nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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