does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize