upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
