guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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