What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
