i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
