the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
