Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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