Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
