I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
