I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The power of my boobs compel you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize