i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
