Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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