Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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