I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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