i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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