my soul wont recognize me after tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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