I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
