do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
