my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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