she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
