So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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