So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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