ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
