dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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