Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
