piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize