I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
