Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
