You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
