we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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