She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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