How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
