For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
