sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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