If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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