so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
