Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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