dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
