can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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