look no pants
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize