Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
