so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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