i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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