they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
