She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
