I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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