i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
