He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
