More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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