We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
