I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
