Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
