you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
