I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
