is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
