Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
