Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
