Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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