ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
